


Reaching Out and Holding On

by BatsAndBirds



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: (2) Seasons of YJ, 5+1 Things, And (8) Issues of RHATO, And a ton of fanon ofc, Angst, Batfamily (DCU), Batfamily (DCU) Feels, Deadass don't know how to tag, Gen, Jason Todd Swears, Jason Todd is Red Hood, More Tags Coming Soon, Reminder my only knowledge of canon is (6) learn to read books, So much angst, batfam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:07:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29633019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BatsAndBirds/pseuds/BatsAndBirds
Summary: Jason was fine living estranged from the rest of them. And they felt the same. Right?(Or: Five times the family reached out to Jason, and one time he reached out to them.)
Relationships: Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne
Comments: 3
Kudos: 84





	Reaching Out and Holding On

Even before he’d opened the envelope, Jason had had a bad feeling about it.

When he’d woken up that morning, it had been sitting on his nightstand. He hadn’t heard anyone enter the room, and it’d made him uneasy to know somebody was snooping around while he was sleeping. Jason would’ve been a lot angrier had it not been for the shiny ‘Oracle-Approved! :p’ sticker on it. But it didn’t do much to lessen his worries.

So he’d called Barbara.

“What. How. Why,” Jason had demanded.

There’d been a snort from across the line. “Thanks for calling me this early in the morning.”

“You were already awake. Now, talk.”

Jason could practically see Barbara twirling a pen. “You know me, Jason. ‘Big bad Oracle’ knows everything. Just open the letter, alright? Promise there’s no bombs or anything.” An exasperated sigh, and then Barbara had signed off. Jason hadn’t been able to get a hold of her again.

Jason eyes the envelope. He’s curious, yes, but not reckless. Getting too involved in Barbara’s schemes is never good for one’s health. 

Instead of just opening the package, Jason runs some quick tests on it. No identifiable fingerprints—far too pristine. Barbara must’ve done something. Trace amounts of lead—but what isn’t infested with the stuff in Gotham? And faint ink marks. Holding it up to the light, he reads: _To: Jason._ There’s no sender name. The envelope is light in his hand, and when Jason shakes it, there’s the sound of shuffling papers.

Barbara wasn’t lying. It seems like it’s just a letter after all.

Still, it’s not her style to go play messenger. As for how she found him…Jason doesn’t want to think about it. _Suspecting_ Barbara had eyes on him and _knowing_ she was always watching and able to seamlessly enter his territory are two different things.

To distract himself from lurking paranoia, he takes another look at the envelope, and _that damn green sticker—_

Fuck it.

Jason gives in.

In one smooth motion, he slices open the envelope.

There’s two pieces of paper inside, both quite short.

Jason starts with the longer one, setting the envelope back onto his nightstand.

 _“Dear Jason,”_ the letter reads in hauntingly familiar writing.

Already Jason knows who the letter is from.

Just those two words make him nauseous.

Gripping the paper tightly, Jason re-reads the words over and over. “ _Dear Jason, Dear Jason, Dear Jason,”_ echoes around and around in his head until he can’t think of anything else.

His chest feels too tight.

Against his better judgement, Jason reads the rest of the letter.

“ _Dear Jason, hello.”_

Line break.

_“Hope you’re doing well. We’ve been holding up._

Line break.

_“I hear you’ve been doing a lot of work lately… Well. If you ever need help, give us a call.”_

Line break.

_“I wasn’t able to include this in the package, but there’s something I’d like to give you. Have you ever read Wuthering Heights? It was quite the interesting read. I’ve recently found myself in the possession of a limited edition. If you’re interested, let me know and I’ll give it to you. Do you—”_

Enough.

Enough, enough, enough.

Jason almost drops the paper from how hard he’s shaking. His vision blurs as he takes a step back, and something dark and ugly rears its head inside him.

Fuck.

He’s not stupid, he can read between the lines of what Bruce is saying.

Bruce wants something from him. He has _expectations._ And of what? To play nice? The man’s pushing so hard that Jason wants to scream.

What’s more, Bruce is still so damn proud. No apologies, no concessions, just a curt mention and then an offer to babysit him. Hah. He won’t be another pawn in the man’s game, no thanks.

Bruce couldn’t even be bothered to deliver the message in person. _Coward._

Knowing that Bruce went through Barbara is no real relief either. It’s a show of power and a warning to Jason, to stay in line or be flushed out at the slightest misstep. An offer to pick up a book? He’s not sure if it’s sad or pathetic how badly that screams _trap!_ Maybe Bruce still hasn’t given up on bringing him in, just waiting for Jason to lower his guard.

 ** _Agh_**.

 _Fuck_ Bruce and his stupid niceties with hidden messages mixed in.

Jason violently crumples up the paper, squeezing it into a tight ball. Just for good measure, he throws the paper across the room.

Despite having done little physical activity, sweat beads on his skin and his breath comes fast. Heart pounding, Jason takes a deep breath, trying to steady himself.

One, two, three—breathe.

One, two, three, breathe.

One, two three—

Onetwothree—fuck.

It isn’t working.

 _Feeling_ simmers under the surface of his skin, tinges of sharp rage and old betrayal and deep grief. Jason’s mind is working overtime to stay in control.

The room is too small, his body too warm, everything spinning, spinning, spinning. Jason’s so close to breaking.

But that would be too easy.

‘ ** _Aargh!_** ” Jason yells, slamming his fist into the wall. From a room over, something crashes onto the floor.

He hisses at the pain. Still, there’s a relief in it. It keeps him grounded.

Stepping back, he can feel himself returning to his senses. His body is light, and he just falls back onto his bed. With a deep breath, he runs a hand through his hair. It comes back wet from all the sweat.

Jason’s furious at himself for almost losing it over a _letter._

He squeezes his eyes shut, desperate not to think about anything. Vicious thoughts at the edge of his mind are ruthlessly cut down.

A minute later, when his breath evens, he opens his eyes again.

They flicker over to the nightstand, and the paper he still hasn’t read.

Part of him wants to shred it and kiss goodbye to whatever else Bruce deems to patronize him about. Another part of him is sickly curious. And Jason’s not one to leave things half-done.

(He _might_ just be a sucker for pain, though.)

Nevertheless, Jason rolls over to grab the envelope. He sits up and starts to read the paper.

Written on it is, “ _Jason. I just want you to know that whatever happens, you will **always** be welcome at Wayne Manor. If you’d like—”_

And…that’s it.

The note cuts off right there, a messy tear at the end of the page.

Puzzled, Jason turns the paper over. There’s no writing on the back.

Huh.

Despite being much shorter than the first note, this one still strikes deep within Jason.

What in the world does Bruce mean by inviting him to Wayne Manor? Another trap? A sick joke? Jason doesn’t know whether to cry or laugh.

A shuddering breath. Bruce can’t possibly mean that.

Jason probably hasn’t been welcome there for years.

He _knows_ this because he’s had more than a few rude encounters with the Bat. So many chance meetings turned arguments turned brawls that he’s stopped counting.

Always, always, he walks away with a bitter taste in his mouth. Jason’s long accepted that their morals will never line up. He doesn’t have to like it, though.

All it means is that this invitation is just another piece of Bruce’s hypocrisy.

What is Bruce trying to do here?

More than a year after Jason’s return, months of a grudging truce, and a long while of radio silence, Bruce sends… a letter?

It’s not an apology. Fuck, it doesn’t even acknowledge the past. It’s as if Bruce is so, so desperate to move on.

Jason is not.

The wounds of days long gone still cut deep and hit hard. Some days he feels like he’s suffocating in his memories, and old hurts tear right back open. But by god, the scars are a part of him. And he doesn’t plan on slapping on a pretty pink bandage and calling it a day.

Bruce wants Jason to play nice, whatever. But Jason wants _so much more_ from Bruce.

An acknowledgement? An admittal? One final spat? Jason doesn’t know. But these damn letters, with talk of reminiscent books and hypocritical invitations sure as hell aren’t what he needs.

It honestly might be worse, the bitter knowledge that Bruce is _trying_. Something. The man’s so close but always off the mark.

Jason crumples the letter in his hand with a hard crunch. Mindlessly, he squeezes it again and again until it’s just a ball. Then he moves to tear it apart, piece by piece. Every rip sends a shiver down his spine. God, that feels good.

Stomping over to the first ball of paper, Jason rips that one up too. Much better. Then into the trashcan both notes go.

Some vicious, vengeful part of him hopes that Bruce or Barbara is watching and knows exactly how much he cares for the stupid letters.

Jason doesn’t feel guilty. He doesn’t. Ignoring the aching feeling in his chest, he sets about his day. Any time thoughts of the letters come back to him, he shoves them aside and focuses on his task with twice the intensity.

* * *

  
Later that night, by the light of the moon, Jason spends hours carefully piecing the letters back together. Like a man starved of water, he reads them over and over until he can recite them from memory. Then he locks them away in a hidden drawer.

Jason doesn’t manage to get any sleep that night. He lies awake on his bed, chest shuddering and bile in his throat. So many thoughts plague him, but the worst of it is the desperate hoping. Jason hates it.

**Author's Note:**

> oops this chapter turned into a ventfic


End file.
